On Being a "Gramma"

The mother of one of my very dear lifelong friends, Noah Harrell, wrote a touching guest blog post for Liza in the Lou on being a Grandmother.  I think that it will resonate with many of you as you reflect on your relationship with your own mother or mother-in-law.

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My daughter called me from Italy to tell me I had “jinxed” her. In less than two seconds flat I screamed so loud she could have heard me in Verona without the phone! She and her husband were barely 23 and I was 47…and we were all starting into a journey that would forever change our collective lives.  She was pregnant.

When she was about 8 weeks along, I flew to Italy for a week to visit.  She was beautiful and she still had a flat stomach, but every day I talked to the little “bean”. I told him how much I loved him and that I was his Gramma. She laughed at me and said he could not hear…but I knew he could. The connection was made and we were forever entangled in this messy, beautiful place called love. 

 

When they got back, she was in her 6^th month and I spent quite a bit of time photographing her bump.  She told me that she wanted me in the delivery room but her husband had not decided on it completely, so I would have to wait and see. I was as patient as I could be but when she was in labor and going into transition, and he still had not decided if I was in or out, I figured I needed to bring it up. I simply told him that she was getting close and I understood if he wanted me to leave but he would have to tell me...soon! Instead, he asked me to stay and take pictures because he realized he could not be with her and photograph the birth too. I was ecstatic, but just kept on trying to help until it was time. I grabbed my camera and witnessed the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

 

 I had four kids, the first (his mom) was born by c-section and I was asleep…so I missed that one. The others had the rear view mirror thing to look into but I was too busy to notice what was happening, so this birth was a first for me in many ways. When thy put him in the warmer, and put the gook in his eyes, I was right there. He held my finger while I talked to him and took a million pictures of his first few minutes. When he cried, I whispered his name and cooed to him that everything would be fine. I told him how much I loved him and I stayed with him until they could wrap him up and give him to his mommy and daddy. To this day I tell him I was his first friend, while the doctors and daddy were tending to Mommy, I was with him. 

 

I spent the first week with them to help out and for a year, I came every Friday and stayed the weekend so they could get some sleep and have a date now and then. I still think about those Saturday mornings when he was so tiny. I got to get up with him and just talk to him (and take more pictures) until his parents got up.

 

 I loved being a grandma, but it took a while before I figured out why I loved it so much. I loved him but it was not the same intense love I had for my own children. I kept waiting to feel THAT feeling…but it never came. One day, I watched my child with her child and I figured it out. Loving him, gave me another way to love HER! Through him, I could continue to be a mom to my daughter, teaching, helping, sharing and growing with her as she learned the very things she had taught me about motherhood and unconditional love. I could show how much I loved her by giving her a night off every now and then, by clapping every time he hit a new milestone and by cheering her on every step of the way as she chartered the murky waters of first time motherhood. Mostly I could be a support in the way that only I could be. She knows I understand everything she goes through as a mom…because she remembers me going through it all those years ago as I navigated first time motherhood with her.

 

I now have three grandchildren and I can honestly say that the love I have for them is completely unconditional. It is not the same love I have for my own children, but it is pure and sweet and honest. I love watching them run from their parents to me and back again. I delight in their screams of joy when I come in their homes and when my oldest asks me if he can spend the night on school nights, I wish with all my heart he could. I can take it when they cry and I can tell them no when I have to. I spend my weekends and my summers and my vacations watching them, playing with them, taking them places and helping their parents as much as I can…because six years later, the same thing is still true. My love for my grandchildren is another way to show love to the people in my life I love more than anything in this world…my children.

 

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The author of the post, Dana Harrell, is a super "Gramma",  Athens, Georgia resident, teacher, musician, photographer-extraordinaire and occasional blogger. You can find her blog here or her photography page here. If you just want to look at pictures of her beautiful grandkids, I took the liberty of posting one below!

Don't Ask When

It is hard to wait for something that might never happen; it is harder to give up when you know it is everything you want. --Unknown.

 

A guy friend recently contacted me about writing an anonymous post about their struggle with infertility. This often unspoken topic affects a staggering number of families. Some estimates suggest that worldwide between three and seven percent of all couples or women have an unresolved problem of infertility. Many more couples, however, experience involuntary childlessness for at least one year: estimates range from 12% to 28%. 

 

His post below is a reminder that infertility affects a family.

 

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We are happily married… have been for a long time. We work hard, we travel, we try to have fun. Try. Because deep down there is a giant, gaping hole in our lives, our marriage, and while we are aware of it – shit, we talk about it – we are reminded of it on a weekly basis by others who don’t understand.

Please, I’m begging you… stop asking “When.”

Invariably we meet up with friends, or friends of friends, or, worse, friends of parents – and they go through the checklist of every ‘get-to-know-you’ conversation. We know it’s coming, we can sense it before they know they’re getting there. We tighten, we stiffen, and brace for those words…

“WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE KIDS?”

Then it’s pure self defense mode. Smile. Laugh. Rote response about not being ready. Laugh more. Change subject to their pet. Drink another beer.

Every month she cries herself to sleep when our attempts fail. Expensive, intrusive, painful attempts at using the marvels of modern science to bypass God. Every month I tell her that we’ll be OK. We have each other. It’ll be OK. More tears. More heartache.
 
It’s not OK. It’s been too long. It’s been too hard. It’s not an emotional roller coaster if you only go down, right? It flat-out sucks.

I don’t know whether women discuss staying away from this topic at some point. Surely they do. There has to be some sort of sensitivity around older women with no kids, right? I have no clue… but I assure you, that sensitivity goes out the window when they talk to a guy. And ladies (I presume ladies read this, not men) you have to know that it hurts just as much for the man. I know you’re being sweet. I know it’s because you care...or have absolutely nothing else to say… but I can’t handle talking about it anymore. I want to scream. I want to cry. Instead, I just grin, make a joke, and wait to write some overly emotional, sappy blog.

So please, next time you feel those words forming…

Don’t ask when.

 

 

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Some other blogs or websites on this topic that you might find helpful:

 

http://www.theinfertilityvoice.com/

 

http://infertilityqueen.blogspot.com/2011/03/things-you-really-shouldnt-say-to.html

 

http://lifewithoutbaby.com/2012/07/05/locked-out-of-the-mommy-clubhouse/

 

http://lifeandloveinthepetridish.blogspot.com/2009/01/nitty-gritty.html

 

 

 

 

I made my own yogurt... who am I !?

One of my good friends, Lauren, recently blogged about making your own yogurt.  She promised me that it was SUPER easy and that "anyone" could do it. I can assure you that I am not "Suzy Q Homemaker"-- but Lauren was right, anyone can make their own yogurt!

If I haven't convinced you yet, here are some other things to consider:

1. Many popular commercial yogurts are made with high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, gelatin, artificial flavors, artificial dyes and more. When you make your own yogurt, you can control the ingredients and can choose to adjust the sweetness to your liking.

2. Yogurt is inherently a super food, rich in protein, calcium and probiotics. If you're on a weight-loss mission, the protein in yogurt can help you feel full longer and eat fewer calories. Research suggests that the probiotics (active cultures) that are teeming in yogurt can reduce the risk of colon cancer, improve immune system function, aid in alleviating constipation and diarrhea, prevent yeast infections and promote the absorption of vitamins and minerals.

3. If your family eats a lot of yogurt, you can save money (although it IS more time intensive than picking them up at the store).  One gallon of milk produces 4 quarts of yogurt at essentially 75 cents a quart.

Before I started on my yogurt making adventure this week, I read a few interesting posts about how to do it. I found them to be spot-on and easy to follow.  I will spare the time of posting my how-to pictures and just direct you to the websites below:

http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/10/you-can-make-yogurt-in-your-crockpot.html

http://www.npr.org/2013/11/06/243014945/yes-it-s-worth-it-to-make-your-own-yogurt

http://www.makeyourownyogurt.com/

What can you do with all of this yogurt?

Here are some ideas:

1. Make your own frozen yogurt!  This recipe for "Luscious Lemon" looks yummy and easy

2. Some of my St. Louis friends who are apart of a Baby Led Weaning group called "Little Foodies of St. Louis" enjoy making yogurt bites for their babes.  Elizabeth is too young to enjoy these-- but I am sure that she will LOVE them when she is a bit older.

3. There are plenty of yummy meat recipes that use yogurt as an ingredient including this Tikki Masala Recipe.

I hope that you enjoy making yogurt as much as I did!  Please let me know if you get a wild hair and decide to make it.  I would also love to hear your success stories and tips!

Elizabeth: 5 Months

Size

Diapers:  2
Clothes:  3-6 month

She's still on the smaller side (25%), but when she is wearing a bubble outfit, her kissable cheeks make her appear bigger.

Eating

Breastfeeding. We introduced solid food at 5 months.  So far she's tried oatmeal, rice cereal, pureed bananas mixed with oatmeal and sweet potatoes. The banana-oatmeal-breastmilk combo is her favorite.

 

Sleeping

She is a pretty consistent napper.  She still needs 3 naps a day. She is still not sleeping through the night but I am coping. 

Favorite things

Elizabeth loves to jump and bounce. I let her play in a Johnny Jumpo for 15 minutes a day and she acts like I took her to Disney World. Even when she is in my arms, she likes to be moving. She also loves a good diaper change and laying on her changing table--probably because she bounces on the mattress pad.  She also loves other children and babies.  She usually laughs or smiles at other kids. The nursery worker at church tells me that she "talks" the whole time.

 

Memorable Moments

 

Five months has by far been the best. She laughs out loud often and can focus performing specific "tasks" (like picking up a block).  One of my favorite moments with her was watching her interact with Paul Hess, one of my friends kids.  Paul is 3 years old and is ALL BOY.  She thought he was so funny and laughed and cackled at him for almost an hour.

 

We also recently took a trip to visit Grandparents in Georgia.  Elizabeth and I survived another plane ride together--this time I flew alone with her.  She did really well on the plane and made friends with all of the other passengers.  She does not do well on car rides.  I think she doesn't like facing backwards in the car and needs more stimulation.

 

I am very grateful for my sweet, joyful little girl!!

 

 

Should you wait until you are married to start saving?

I recently went to dinner with a very good friend of mine who confessed the subject of "money" overwhelmed her.  She always assumed that her husband would take care of the family finances.  But what happens when your spouse is money-illiterate?  Or .. if you marry later in life? Instead of waiting until the next season, my friend Stephen Kuzniak from the Simple Economist would suggest that it's never too early to start saving. 

Stephen's blog is one of my FAVORITE money blogs.  He writes interesting articles that always give me a fresh perspective on being a good steward of money.  I highly suggest that you become a follower of his blog!

I asked Stephen to write a post for Liza in the Lou to help my readers better understand money... because it can be overwhelming!  Hope you enjoy his writing as much as I do.

Money can be pretty confusing. Between 401k, roth IRAs, budgets, futures, options, interest rates, and credit scores- the acronyms and implications are mind numbing. However, the one thing we can all agree upon is that money is a useful tool (when used correctly) that can make our lives better.

As important as money has become in our society, it is strangely absent from our school or public curriculum. Some were fortunate to have family members that understood money and were able to teach about its power. But the vast majority of Americans have never really been taught the basic principles of how money operates.

Often we default into our money habits and patterns. Rarely do we actively align our spending, savings, and overall consumption with our goals. We tend to follow our friends,facebook, family, sally mae, marketers, and bankers. My point is simple. The value in understanding money is more about understanding the priorities in our lives and figuring out what is actually important.

Buy Your Freedom First
Money works pretty hard. It is either working for you or against you; but it is always working. Money can buy a lot of things- butone of the most valuable things money can buy is freedom. Having a little bit of money gives you an incredible amount ofchoice. That is the primary driver for our family's money decisions. We love the idea of having lots of options. Move across the world? Go on vacation? Help a friend in need? Quit our jobs? Retire at 40? With a little bit of forethought, all of these crazy options can be available. It simply takes a little bit of planning, prioritizing, encouragement, and excitement. 

One of the biggest decisions my wife and I made when we got married was to consider and prepare for the idea of having a stay-at-home parent. My mother worked outside the home throughout my childhood and my wife’s mother primarily worked at home. We knew going into marriage that children were important to both of us and we wanted to have the option to stay at home if we desired. So we planned ahead. We started by getting completely out of debt and living only off one income. We predecided a percentage of our income we wanted to live off of (you already do this whether you realize it or not) and have stuck to that. In addition, we keep our fixed expenses low by sharing a car, riding our bikes, using cloth diapers, planning meals, cooking at home, staying fit, using $10 a month IPhone plans, growing food, living in a modest house (850sf. for 4), buying quality goods, pay no interest, and having lots of incredible relationships.

The Process
I often write about various aspects of the process of being intentional with your money. Finish this section and you will have all you need to get started. The first step is simply to clarify your goals. This begins with understanding why you want to be successful with money. Is it about living stress free? Traveling the world? Providing for your children? Feeling under control? Have enough to not work when you are 95? Giving it all away? Define what it means to be happy with money. If you are in a relationship, you must understand what your significant other thinks as well! It is imperative to get on the same page.

The next steps are simple but not easy.

(1) Build an Emergency Fund

(2) Get out of Debt

(3) Invest and plan for the future.

Unexpected things will happen every few years. When you don’t have money, every negative event is not only a crisis but also a financial crisis. If you are really sick or wreck your vehicle, it is much easier to heal when you are not completely worried about money. I’m not a big fan of debt. I love the idea of being completely debt free and the burden that decreases with that freedom. Debt sucks the life out of your income. Whether it iscredit cards, student loans, or house payments, they all affect your cash flow and risk. It is never easier than today to get out of debt. But it does take prioritization or we will all still be in debt when we get ready to retire. The last component is planning for the future. This includes purchasing a home, saving for kids’ college, retirement savings, and investing. Each aspect is part of an overall plan to be strategic about your money and time. Think through where you want to be in five or ten years. If you like where you are, continue; but if you want to be in a different place ten years from now you must begin the process today.

Reading

I’m a reader. And chances are good that if you are engaging with this text you have the incredible ability to read as well. That is good news. You can learn almost anything about money if you are willing to spend just a tiny bit of time reading about it. I try and read every popular book written about finance so you don’t have to. Really, if there is one book that boils all the information down into entertaining and manageable steps it would be Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. No book is perfect, but big Dave does a fantastic and humorous job of working through all the steps to become financially successful. The best part is that it is easy for a complete beginner or seasoned financial veteran to read. It also makes great reading for a reluctant spouse, parent, or friend. If you are looking for Stage II advanced reading you can check out the classic Your Money or Your Life.

Giving
One of the joys of having money is the ability to give it away. It is pretty neat how lucky we are to live in a time and place filled with so much abundance. I think one of the best ways to generate peace with our money is to start systematically giving some away on a regular basis. It obviously benefits the organizations or individuals that we give to, but it equally helps us prioritize our money and be more intentional. Kali and I still view ourselves as managers of the money we receive. This makes it much easier to take care of what comes in, enjoy a little bit of it, and help lots of other people. If you had lots of money to give away, who would you help out?

Money is powerful. It is worth your time and energy to understand how it works. It is either working for you or against you and the earlier we take control the better lives we will live. I hope I’ve whetted your appetite for a little financial independence and thinking. Feel free to hit me up on twitter orfacebook if you have any questions. And, when you are financially free in a few years, travel the world, work any job you would like, give lots of money away, and live a stress free life. Get the process started today.

About

Stephen is a runner, biker, writer, teacher, student, and father. He enjoys being outside, eating delicious food, traveling the world, teaching people about money, and fixing things that are broken.He and his wife Kali write weekly for Simple Economist, a blog about personal finance and simplicity. He is currently finishing his PhD in Behavioral Economics and Financial Planning.

Relentless Baker

Family vacations as a kid were always a lot of fun!  One of our family traditions involves this yummy French bakery in New Smyrna Beach, FL.  They sell delicious croissants and breakfast sandwiches.  Growing up, my dad would always wake up early during our family trips to sneak out and grab breakfast.  Sometimes, he would surprise me with my favorite treat-- meringue cookies! These crispy, airy, sweet delights became synonymous with summer to me.

I've tried-- at least a half dozen times-- to make them myself and have FAILED miserably.  Once or twice the house was too humid, once I didn't bake them long enough, another time I baked them too long... the list goes on. Despite all of these failed attempts, every time the weather changes from winter to spring I get the bug to make these treats.

Well friends, I am happy to say that TODAY is the day!  I finally made French bakery worthy treats!!

Recipe:

• 2 egg whites
• 1/8 teaspoon salt                                                    
• 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar                                                                     
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract                                                                     
• 3/4 cup white sugar                                                                     
• 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C). To prevent burning you can bake on an air cushion baking sheet or put parchment paper on a regular cookie sheet
Beat egg whites, salt, cream of tartar, and vanilla until very firm. Gradually add sugar and mix. Fold in chocolate chips.
Drop by teaspoonfuls on pan. Bake 300 degrees for 25 minutes. They should only be lightly browned.

Tips:
* You can use an icing piping bag and a large icing tip to pipe your meringue onto the baking sheet to give it a more professional pastry look.
* To avoid a gooey center, keep your cookies in the over for a few hours or over night.  I recommend baking for around 5 minutes at 350 and then turn off the heat.  Do not open the door to the oven.
* Make sure that there is no butter, water or oil on your utensils.  One of my past failures was because I washed my mixing bowl and then put the eggs in the bowl while it was still damp.  Bad idea :(

What are some recipes that you've tried several times before you finally got it right?