I have about ten pages left in the New York Times bestseller,
"How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character" by Paul Tough. The book is about two things: first, an emerging body of research that shows the importance of so-called non-cognitive skills in children’s success; and second, a new set of experimental interventions that are trying to use that research to help improve outcomes for children, especially children growing up in disadvantage. It's been FACINATING! It left me with more questions than answers and made me hopeful about the difference that we can make in the lives of those with limited opportunities.
I was especially struck by the section (starting on page 31 if you own the book) on
attachment. He referenced the work of a neuroscience researcher from McGill University named
Michael Meaney.
(Hang with me on this... )
"When baby rats got stressed out — when they were handled by lab technicians, let's say — there were some mother rats who would lick and groom their baby rats and others who would not. And so the scientists got interested in this one particular behavior, and they tried to figure out what kind of difference it made. As they did a series of experiments, they found out it made a huge difference. The rats who as babies were licked and groomed did much better on all sorts of things when they reached adulthood. They were braver, more curious; it had actually changed the shape of certain parts of their brains.
"I think there's a real parallel there for humans — we don't know for sure that our brains work exactly like rat brains, but I think there's a lot of parallels between that and research on attachment. Psychologists who have studied attachment have found that when human kids have that same kind of licking and grooming-style bonding with their parents,
especially in the first year of life, it gives them all sorts of psychological strength, confidence [and] character that, when they reach school age and even into adulthood, will make a huge difference in how well they do."
On page 37 of the book, Tough references the research of Byron Egeland and Alan Sroufe. In 1972 they recruited 267 pregnant women to participate in a study. All of the women were first time moms, all had incomes below the poverty line. They studied and tracked their children for thirty (!!) years and found that for most of the children, attachment status at one year of age (as
measured by the Strange Situation) was highly predictive of a wide range of outcomes later in life. Children with secure attachment early in life were more socially competent throughout their lives: better able to engage with pre-school peers, better able to form close relationships in middle school, better able to negotiate the complex dynamics of adolescent social networks.
The researchers found that they could have predicted with 77% accuracy, when the children were not yet four years old, which ones would drop out of high school.
With this new knowledge, I've been thinking a lot about my role as a new mom and the importance of the bond I have with Elizabeth. I've also been thinking about how I-- as a mother-- can encourage mother-baby
attachment with other new moms.
What if... by just reaching out to
ONE struggling new mom I could change the outlook of her child?
(Call me idealistic, but the reason I've written this long--and maybe boring post-- is to inspire you to think about how you too can encourage this in new mothers and potentially change the outlook for a future generation)
Ideas on Encouraging Attachment
1. Be Pro-Baby Wearing! (
10 Benefits)
3. Volunteer to mentor new moms through a non-profit Pregnancy Center like
Augusta Care. They are ALWAYS looking for volunteers.
4. Be mission-minded when attending playgroups at the library or out in the community. Invite moms (who may not fit my typical friend description) for a walk or a play date at the coffee shop with the intent of encouraging her.
5. Sit down with pregnant friends and share honestly experiences breastfeeding. It's hard. It takes work. But isn't it one of the sweetest experiences? Breastfeeding is considered one of the most important psychological ways a child bonds with their mother.
6. Don't chastise or alienate moms who have made the decision not to breast feed. Formula is not the "F" word and these moms need support and encouragement too. Encourage baby bonding through meaningful eye contact at feeds.
7. In the 1950's, a researcher named Erik Erikson shared his theory that if you hold a baby too much they become over dependent on their caregivers and become "spoiled". Last week, I had a pretty heart breaking conversation with a new mom, who happened to be my waitress, about this antiquated theory. She and I bonded over the fact that we both have babies around the same age. She proudly told me that she never holds her baby because she is afraid that she will spoil him. Because we had been talking for a while and we seemed to have a good rapport, I gently told her that new research shows that it's impossible to spoil a baby by holding and loving it and encouraged her to do it as much as she wanted. In some communities, this outdated theory is still a best-practice. We can strengthen attachment by educating moms and restoring mother-baby bonding time.
I would love to hear from you as I think about this very important topic. What are some other ways we can encourage mother attachment? How have you bonded with your baby in a special way?
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I found several national organizations that have a mission of supporting new mothers. These include:
Help a Mother Out
Help a Mother Out is a nationally-recognized public organization raising diapers, awareness, and promoting for long term change in the social safety net. They are committed to increasing access to diapers for families in need. Their vision is a day when every single baby has a healthy stock of diapers.
Their leading “diaper bank” is located in the San Francisco Bay Area, having issued diapers and other hygiene supplies to over 22 agencies in San Francisco, Alameda, Contra Costa, Monterey, San Mateo, Santa Clara, and Solano counties. They have sister chapters in Southern California and Arizona. To know more, please visit their site: http://www.helpamotherout.org/
The Restoration House
At The Restoration House (TRH), they are working to help return single mothers and their children back to God’s good purpose for their lives. By way of transformational housing, team mentoring and familysupport, TRH is helping single mother families end phases of poverty and distress. In turn, TRH's Participating Families are encouraged to build brighter futures for themselves and their families.
At TRH they trust that God did not create us to besolitary. TRH envelops the whole family, offering them with networks of support and answerability. So instead of feeling isolated and powerless; each family feels a motivating sense of fellowship while also earning the benefits of a network of support. To know more, please visit their site: http://www.therestorationhouse.net/
Safe Horizon
Safe Horizon is the leading victims’ services agency in the United States, changing the lives of more than 250,000 children, adults, and families affected by crime and abuse throughout New York City each year. They provide support to victims through 57 program locations, including shelter, in-person counseling, legal services, and more.
Right from 1978, Safe Horizon has offered victims of domestic violence, child abuse, human trafficking, rape and sexual assault, as well as homeless youth and families of homicide victims, with a broad range of comprehensive support. Their programs also associate with governmental and other community agencies to extend further assistance, including locating resources for those residing outside New York City.
Safe Horizon also promotes for policies on a local, state, and national level on behalf of those distressed by violence and abuse.
To know more, please visit their site: http://www.safehorizon.org/index/about-us-1.html
